9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
