$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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