I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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