i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
