Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
