I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
