Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
