"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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