We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
