I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
