Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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