I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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