Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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