You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
