Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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