This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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