I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
