she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she told me i tasted like america
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
