Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is wine microwaveable?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize