i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
