You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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