You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
