i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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