They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
