im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
