Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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