Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
