What a fucking waste of an outfit
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
