Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
