Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
