Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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