I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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