i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
