Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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