hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
