It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
