i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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