Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize