from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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