I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
