I am in a vortex of obligation.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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