Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
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I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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