Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
