someone get that fucking seahorse.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
