We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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