Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
