I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
