someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
