I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
