So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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