i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
