Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
