I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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