Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
