Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
