Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
