I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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