TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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