Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
