I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
