why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I understand Curling. That high.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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