The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
