the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
