mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
