Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Houston, we have a squirter
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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