Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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