Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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